So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
