I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize