Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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