If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
