That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
