Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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