I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
