a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
