I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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