All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Terrible idea I love it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
