i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
