She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
