And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
