drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
