So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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