There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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