as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
