PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
