You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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