bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
