Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
