There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
