So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
