You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
