bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
