Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
