seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize