ugly people sure do ruin things
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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