Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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