Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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