We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
