I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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