so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
