I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
