I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
