how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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