I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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