someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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