haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
even my farts smell like vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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