we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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