I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
