some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
