your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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