I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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