i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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