Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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