I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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