Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
