im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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