I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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