I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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