You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
