Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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