He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My balls are so social today.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
