apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
