You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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