It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
