So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
