just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
