I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
