You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
