Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
