Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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