Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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