who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
