hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
