Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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