Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My dick has a subreddit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
