I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
