I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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