Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
