Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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