i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
